Damn It!
by Neekazan
Summary: A seriously injured and unconscious rebel soldier's thoughts as he fights for his life in a hospital. This is a stand alone vignette about two original characters I made up who have been in an undercover mission posing as husband and wife. I haven't tried to write a longer story about them, but will if I get enough positive feedback.


**Damn It!**

"Ma'am, you shouldn't be walking around. You need rest, so please go back to your room."

"I can rest just fine in here."

I can hear them coming closer, but I don't see them. Why is it so dark?

"I'll call the doctor." It sounds like a threat. I don't recognize this woman's voice.

"Fine, he can look after both of us in here, then." That's Miki. She's always stubborn, won't listen to anyone. Especially me. I hear a scraping sound before someone takes my hand. It's Miki again. I know the touch of her hand, though I don't wish to. I don't like to be touched. Her fingers, though... slender fingers, gentle and warm... feel like they touch my soul even as they touch my flesh.

I always pull away from her touch.

Why can't I do so now?

It's not good to let anyone this close. They always get taken away. Friends, family, anyone I care for always gets killed by, _them._ It's better not to let anyone close. Don't care for anyone so Imps can't hurt me. It's part of my revenge on _them_ besides joining the rebellion. If I don't care about anyone, they can't use those I love to tear my heart out again.

"You might as well stop staring at me and go get the doctor. I'm staying here." That insolent tone is usually directed at me. Miki has refined the art of impertinence. I hear a sigh from somewhere around where I'd heard the other woman speaking before, then footsteps slowly fading.

"I'm not leaving you."

It's Miki whispering in my ear now. I feel her warm, moist breath on my ear, and a soft brush of... is it her lips or her fingers... definitely lips, damn her... on my cheek. Damn it, she has no right to do that. Who the hell does she think she is? We were only _pretending_ to be married for the mission! I thought I made it clear to her that there was no way we can be any more than comrades in arms. Not friends, and _especially_ not lovers.

But then again, she never listens to me.

Damn it.

At least she doesn't persist in talking. All I hear are some beeps and something that sounds like artificial breathing, which confirms to me that we're in a hospital. I struggle to remember what happened that brought us here. My head hurts, so I try not to think too hard about it. We're here, so we must have been injured. The mission... did we complete it? I can't remember that, either. I can't even remember what the mission was, exactly.

Damn it, my head hurts!

"I don't know if you can hear me, Gresh, but I have to tell you anyway."

I knew she couldn't keep silent for too long.

"I know you don't believe me, and you don't want it... but I love you. Please, just get well. I'll ask them not to assign us together anymore so you don't have to deal with me. Just..."

I feel her fingers tighten on mine as her voice breaks. Hell, is she _crying_?

"Just don't die!"

Who the hell said anything about dying, you stupid woman? Is it really that serious? It must be, because I can't talk or respond to her in any way. Damn it, I wish she'd let go of my hand.

I wish she'd let go of me. I don't want to... what... love her?

That's ridiculous. I don't love anybody. Not since my home was destroyed by the emperor's minions. I feel only anger and hate. It's what drives me. I won't die until the Empire is destroyed and its leaders are dust.

I can still see my home in flames and hear my wife and children's screams.

I won't die until the screams stop.

Why can't Miki see I have no love to give? It was ripped from my heart in just one living nightmarish hour when the Imperials broke through our planet's defences. I was at work when the sirens started. Instead of listening to the authorities and going to the nearest bunker, I got in my landspeeder and raced home. It was already on fire when I arrived. Still, I ran inside. I saw Kyra holding Tomi, our newborn baby, across the living room. Little Yanda was clutching my wife's legs and coughing. Flames separated us. I took a step to run towards them, calling their names, when a beam fell, almost hitting me.

I hesitated.

I shouldn't have hesitated.

If I had run on, I could have saved them. I can still see the flames engulf them, even as I caught fire as well. I should have died with them. But that's just as well. Now I can get revenge on the Empire.

Still, I keep seeing my family burning alive. Can still hear them screaming every time I sleep. My dreams are always filled with searing pain as I'm on fire and my soul is in agony. I always wake up screaming, and my burn scars tingling. I no longer burn. I'm cold inside.

Nothing can touch me now.

Yet, I feel a pressure on my arm, and slender fingers on mine.

Finally, I can open my eyes. There's not much light in the hospital room, which is good, because I think bright light would hurt my eyes right now. I look to my left.

It's Miko, of course. She's fallen asleep on a chair next to the bed I'm in. Her head is resting on my upper arm, her right hand stubbornly holding mine.

Damn it, Miki, this isn't going to work. I don't love you. Don't you understand? I can't!

I want to scream at her.

For a moment I remember a small child... a little boy about the same age as my daughter was when she was killed... standing in the middle of the road with an imperial At-At walker bearing down on him. He was yelling defiantly at the behemoth machines, telling the Imps to leave his home... I wonder where he picked up those curse words. Miki ran over to him, picked him up and ran towards me. She trips over a dead body and falls. I start to run for them as I see her kneeling protectively near the child as she futilely fires at the behemoth vehicle.

I can't remember anything else that happened after that before waking up here.

Instead of screaming at her, I reach to put my free hand over on top of hers.

"Makiko." My voice sounds hoarse and my throat burns as I say her full name. I barely register that I need a drink of water as she quickly raises her head to look at me bleary-eyed.

"Gresh!" Her smile makes the room look brighter.

Damn her.

I feel my lips pull up in a grin in spite of my mental protests.

I can no longer fight it.

Tears come from Miki's eyes as she leans in to hug me. "Oh, Gresh! Thank the Force you're awake!"

My arms move of their own volition. I stroke her hair... it's so soft... and she looks at me again. Her tears flowing freely as she laughs. I stroke her cheek.

She reaches up to take my hand and kisses my palm.

"I love you." Is that really my voice I hear?

_Damn it!_


End file.
